Dear Friend, I'm tired of those sissy "Friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality. Here it goes...

When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile - I will know you finally had sex. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. When you are confused - I will use small words. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass then help you up. This is my oath ... I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask. Because you are my friend. And Remember: A good friend will help you move.

A really good friend will help you move a body. Shoot for the moon, if you miss you will still be among the stars. unknown