According to my mathematics, when I get older, I think I'm going to live on a cruise ship.

The average cost for a retirement home is 300 per day. Checking on cruise ship reservations, I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of 235 per day. That leaves 65 left over excluding gratuities, which will only be 12-14 per day. -- I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week. -- There could be as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

-- Free toothpaste, razors, soap and shampoo are offered. -- One is treated like a customer, not a patient. An extra 5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. -- I will get to meet new people every seven or 14 days. -- TVDVDvideo broken? Light bulb needs changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! Ship staff will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

-- Clean sheets and towels every day. -- If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on board ship, it's likely you'll be upgraded to a suite. So, don't look for me around here, just give a call shore to ship.