Three old ladies, Mavis, Barb and Ivy, were sitting side by side intheir retirement home reminiscing. The first lady, Ivy, recalledshopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, thelength and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. Thesecond old lady, Barb nodded, adding that onions used to be much biggerand cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she couldbuy for a penny a piece. The third old lady, Mavis remarked, "I can'thear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.

" Two elderly ladies Mavis and Barb are sitting on the front porch, doingnothing.

Mavis turns to Barb and asks, "Do you still get horny?" Barbreplies, "Oh sure I do." Mavis asks, "What do you do about it?"Barbreplies, "I suck a lifesaver."After a few moments, Mavis asks, "Who drives you to the beach?" Mavis an old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

Agentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intendto be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in thishigh wind?" "Yes, I know, " said Mavis, "I need both hands to hold ontothis hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. Then Mavis looked down, then back up atthe man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday." Barb and Mavis, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by fromtheir park bench.

Barbsaid, "You know, Mavis, I've been reading this'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.'Mutual orgasm' here and 'mutual orgasm' there -- that's all they talkabout. Tell me, Mavis, when your husband was alive, did you two everhave mutual orgasm?" Mavis thought for a long while. Finally, she shookher head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."