Good Idea: When ordered to, wear the damn butt plug.

BAD Idea: When wearing one, taking MasterMistress to the new go-cart track that opened just down the road. Bumps.

Many, MANY bumps....

Good Idea: Recognize that MasterMistress is not a democracy, that you are instead living under a benevolent dictatorship at the bottom of the food chain. BAD Idea: Attempt to grab MasterMistress's private parts and declare a socialist revolution by shouting "The workers shall control the means of reproduction!" Good Idea: Even if your musical tastes differ, MasterMistress gets to pick what heshe wants to listen to on the radio. BAD Idea: Declare that being forced to listen to the soundtrack to 'Saturday Night Fever' is against the Geneva Convention and must be appealed to Amnesty International. Good Idea: When going swimming with MasterMistress, remember to play nice. BAD Idea: Roll your eyes, mutter "The devil is in me!" and attempt to dunk MasterMistress.

Good Idea: Always serve MastersMistress's drinks with ice. BAD Idea: Attempt to use Master'sMistress's drink as a means of disposing of the dreaded ice dildos in the freezer. Good Idea: Suffer or enjoy bondage with grace. BAD Idea: Start singing spirituals, banging a cup against the bars of the dungeon cage, and demanding to see one's lawyer. Good Idea: Prepare Master'sMistress's meals with all the culinary skills you possess.

BAD Idea: Prepare Master'sMistress's meals as if you were the Swedish Chef.

Bork bork bork! Good Idea: Suffer punishment gladly, as it not only is a means of correction, but it arouses MasterMistress. BAD idea: Reenact the death scene in "Braveheart" and scream "FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!" while being flogged.

BAD idea: Hide the pain-inducing toys. BAD Idea: Saying "Go ahead, make my day.

" BAD Idea: Ask if this whip comes in Nerf. BAD Idea: Mention that Amnesty International won't take too kindly to this after the 'Disco Incident'. Good Idea: When MasterMistress inserts a carrot where no carrot has been before, moan in painpleasure at the vegetable abuse and try not to think of how weird it is. BAD idea: "Ehhhh....what's up Doc?" Good Idea: Get on your knees like a good slave when MasterMistress beckons you to hisher side. BAD Idea: Dropping down, and extending an arm up pointing overhead, and saying 'Look Boss.. da plane, da plane!' in a bad Mexican accent Good Idea: Remember MasterMistress is always right. BAD idea: Mentioning rather gleefully the few times heshe's wrong. Good idea: When driving for MasterMistress, realize that you may have to ask for directions. BAD idea: Drive 20 miles out of the way waiting for that magical turn or side road that will put you where you want to be that you just KNOW has to be there, because turning around will be admitting defeat. yes that one applies to all men, really, vanilla or otherwise. Just that the consequences are more severe with a MasterMistress! Good Idea: Serenading MasterMistress can be a sweet and romantic surprise.

BAD Idea: Doing it with William Shatner's voice. Good Idea: Remember MasterMistress has every right to expect service first thing in the morning. BAD Idea: Growl and grumble and beat chest, refusing to serve one bit until that 4th cup of coffee kicks in.